DJs To Make “A Few Handy Quid” By Playing Hometown This Christmas

DJs all over the world are relishing the chance to make a “few handy quid” this Christmas by playing gigs in their hometown.

Irish DJ Matador claims that the thought of Dublin at Christmas was “depressing as fuck” and only a handy paycheck will brighten up an otherwise dreary trip home for the festive season.

“The thought of a cold, dull Dublin is putting me right off going home,” admitted Matador, real name Gavin Kenny, during a chat with Wunderground earlier today. “If it wasn’t for the District 8 gig on St Stephen’s day I probably wouldn’t even bother my bollocks going but it’s a handy quid and at last I’ll get to make an appearance with the family.”

“I was half tempted to book myself a nice little holiday somewhere warm but once the offer came in I couldn’t really say no,” continued Matador. “The best thing about these shows is that it’s Christmas and nobody really gives a fuck. Everyone’s pissed up and loving life so I can literally float in, stick on a few random tracks and everyone will fucking love it. Zero preparation and minimum effort, just the way it should be.”

“Plus, because it’s Christmas and I don’t need any flights or accommodation, I can stick an extra grand onto my fee, Bob’s you aunty’s brother.”

Dublin promoter Jimmy Fingers claims that, while they’re convenient, hometown Christmas gigs are more trouble than they’re worth.

“It’s a pretty easy time of year to fill a venue but I’m falling out of love for these poxy Christmas gigs pretty quickly,” claimed Fingers. “I’m not looking forward to collecting Gav (Matador) before the gig at all. He’ll most likely be full of drink, stuffed to the gills with turkey and letting horrible brussels sprouts farts all over my car.”

In related news, DJ Sneak has apparently declined an invitation for Christmas dinner at his in-laws house after they refused to offer him a “couple of grand” to “look after the music”, claiming they’ll probably just stick a “Michael Bublé does Christmas CD” on instead.

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