American President Donald Trump has vowed to beat the heroin epidemic currently sweeping the nation with a series of hilarious tweets.
According to White House insiders, the President is deeply concerned by the number of Americans currently addicted to heroin and has made tackling it his number one priority.
“President Trump is shocked that there are so many white Americans addicted to heroin throughout the country,” our White House source told us. “So much so that he has made tweets about it his number one priority. With the president’s dry wit and infectious humour, it won’t take long to sort things out.”
“President Trump will now travel to some of the cities that have been worst affected by the heroin epidemic,” continued our source. “There he’ll get the opportunity to see the effects of the drug up close and experience, first hand, the devastation it is causing. Once he has returned to Washington, he’ll be able to draw on those experiences and come up with the hilarious tweets.”
So far, President Trump has yet to comment on the current heroin epidemic, although, he has been heard saying that recovering drug addicts would make excellent low-pay employees.
Political commentator Mia Khalifa spoke to Wunderground, “There’s no way President Dump is going to take on heroin for the good of the nation, he has to have an ulterior motive, he’s probably looking for cheap labour to help build his wall. Hopefully he’ll be impeached before he gets the chance to do anything.”
If you have found any of President Trump’s tweets hilarious in the past, you should go and see a doctor because there is almost certainly something seriously wrong with you.
Drugs disgust me… I mean, there is no Hero in, Heroi… erm never mind