US President elect Donald Trump has vowed to “rid the nation” of Black Friday before the end of his term in office.
Speaking passionately to a group of old white men, at the annual We’re Not Racist But… rally, in Nashville, Tennessee, Trump promised that he would “lynch” Black Friday and “feed it to his dogs” within the next four years.
“Trump’s decision to get rid of black Friday isn’t based on the fact that it’s a consumer circus that shows the rotten core of humanity,” explained a cynical political correspondent earlier. “He’s one of the biggest capitalists in the world and, believe me, he loves consumerism, he’ll probably call it White Friday or Klu Klux Friday and drop an extra five percent of everything just to make it extra crazy.”
“The reason Trump wants to get rid of Black Friday is because of the word black,” continued the source. “He’s got a real problem with black things, all you have to do is look as his extra dark navy shoes, suits and socks. He hasn’t worn an actual black item of clothing since the day OJ Simpson killed his white wife, that’s the day Trump claims to have made his mind up about ‘those folk’.”
“He’s gonna try to remove everything black in modern culture and society,” claimed the anonymous insider. “He’ll start off with his cabinet and work his way out from there, if he gets his way, you‘ll be using Purpleberrys to send your emails, the cops will be beating African-Americans blue and blue and the most dangerous spider in the country will be a dark widow.”
Wunderground also spoke to Trump about his plans, “It’s nonsense, I’m not getting rid of Black Friday because I’ve got a problem with black things, I love black things, just last week I was using a black punching bag in the gym and the week before that I was using black targets in the shooting range, don’t believe everything you hear. The reason I’m getting rid of it is because of Mexicans, jobs and making America great again. OK.”