A teacher who was giving an end of term speech last June has admitted that he has ruined the lives of over 800 young people when he accidentally confused his words and told kids to “stay in drugs” in the hope that they “don’t do school”.
Mr. Flimpton of Western Super Mare in North Somerset, England, has described the incident as a “Western Super Nightmare,” indicating that he already suffered from some form of irreparable confusion.
The incident has seen Mr. Flimpton lose his job, his home and one kneecap to a torch bearing mob of parents who believe he has corrupted the morals of the youth in their town.
Mr. Flimpton insists it was accidental, however some parents are concerned that he may have actually been on drugs at the time. Either that or that he never finished school. Both these avenues, believed to be complimentary, are being investigated by the police and the school administration respectively.
According to the Parent Teacher Association his gaffe has left a trail of destruction in their town, which has seen young people forming motorbike gangs, spitting on cars from bridges and committing such horrendous crimes as jay-walking and juggling without a permit.
Police services have claimed that there has also been a noted increase in drug use in the area, with the local dealer indicating that profits are up a whopping five percent over last quarter. The police have further reported a noted increase in reggae music in the town, which they and the PTA aim to stamp out before the message of peace and love corrupts the youth any further.
The school itself, Saint Dympna’s Holy Rectory For the Classically Penitent, which you may have guessed is a Catholic school, has seen a marked increase in Eastern philosophy and Zen meditation amongst the students, which they believe is an indication of the End of Days. The PTA and police have refused to comment on this. Saint Dympna’s believe this is another indication of the End of Days.
Mr. Flimpton made a speech by way of apology last night, however he has caused further difficulties when he mangled metaphors at this oration.
“I just wanted to encourage kids to do the right thing. Life is a learning curve and if you can’t handle the incline, take a leap of faith.”
A further 200 students are now dead as a result of ill advised leaps of faith.
