News emerging from the financial sector suggests that nightclub drink vouchers are the latest cryptocurrency set to take the world by storm.
According to the latest reports, the number of drink vouchers paid to DJs across the world now has a combined value that is greater than the GDP of fifty percent of world economies.
“Drink vouchers are now one of the world’s best-performing currencies,” explained Keith Evans, a cryptocurrency expert who learned everything he knows by watching a six-minute video about Bitcoins last week. “I’ve got a couple of drink vouchers that I forgot to use a couple of years ago. In ten years time, they could be worth somewhere between two and a half and three drinks.”
“From now on, I’m going to take all of my money out of the bank as soon as I get paid and buy drink vouchers with them,” continued Evans. “I won’t be able to spend them in any normal shops but at least the bank won’t have their hands on them and they’ll keep increasing in value, by the time I retire I’ll probably have enough for about fifty thousand drinks.”
Pete Wyse, an upcoming DJ, claims to have earned over ten thousand drink vouchers in the last year.
“I’m always paid in drink tokens,” he told Wunderground. “At first, I thought it was a bit shit because you can’t buy fuck all with drink tokens apart from drinks, it kinda seems like a really cheap way for nightclubs and promoters to pay struggling DJs. But then, someone said the word cryptocurrency and I totally changed my mind. I’ve been saving up all of my drink tokens like crazy. Pretty soon, I’ll be able to give up the DJing and survive on drinks for the rest of my life.”
Reports suggest that drink vouchers may be the world’s safest cryptocurrency as if they do crash, their owner will still be able to turn to drink and drown their sorrows.