A report published today by the Drug Enforcement Agency has claimed that almost all of the world’s CD cases are now only being used for snorting drugs.
According to the report, a whopping 98% of all CD cases will be used in the consumption of illegal drugs such as cocaine, ketamine and, for scangy sessioners, crushed up ecstasy.
“Despite the format being obsolete, CD cases are still the Rolls Royce of the chopping up drugs game,” claimed an anonymous drug user. “I’ve used DVD cases, the screen off my phone and cisterns in the past but they all pale in comparison to the CD case experience.”
Users claim that CD cases provide the sturdiness of a harder surface with the flexibility of plastic – allowing them to forcefully crush the drugs into a powder without fear of breaking the case – while also claiming that it’s the “easier to hide than a big coffee table full of lines”.
“The only thing that’s up there with CD cases would be plates but they usually have that awkward little dimple running around the edge which makes it difficult to maneouvre a bank card,” he continued. “It might be a good idea for preventing sauce running off the plate but it causes a host of angular problems for the drug chopper.”
Some people supposedly like to match the drugs they are snorting to the content of the CD they’re using to chop lines out on, with our anonymous respondent claiming “for coke it’s Fleetwood Mac Rumors, for ecstasy it’s Pills, Thrills & Bellyaches and for ketamine it’s the single version of Benoit & Sergio’s Walk & Talk“.
“It adds a musical frisson to the whole thing,” he added.
A warning has been issued to parents which told them that if they see their child with a CD case out, perhaps on a table in their room next to a stereo system, then they should be extra vigilant because that child is definitely, 100% on the snort as nobody under the age of 25 even listens to CDs.
