In news that is sure to devastate the international bass community, longstanding couple drum and bass, are set to divorce.
Reports from close to the genre have claimed that they’d been having problems for some time and that the divorce was a long time coming.
“When they got together they always knew that they’d keep an open relationship, in which they both are free to see other genres,” claimed garage, a longstanding friend and former lover of both drum and bass. “But, recently, a lot of jealousy and acrimony has seeped into their relationship.”
“It can probably be tracked back to the time that drum started an affair with techno, drum would be coming home to bass, clothes all sweaty, stinking of Richie Hawtin’s controller with sake on its collar,” continued garage, himself going through a nasty divorce with grime. “Bass just had enough and decided to branch out.”
Garage claims that it was around this time that bass began to consolidate herself as a definitive genre rather than just as an accompaniment to drum.
“Now bass music is widely considered a genre that in itself contains drum and bass as well as dubstep and garage,” he added. “Drum hates that.”
“Everyone always thought that they were this fairytale couple but it’s over now and I just feel bad for the fans of the genre,” he concluded. “Much like the choice in Sophie’s Choice or selecting a flavour of Ben & Jerry’s, the fans are going to have to pick which genre they’ll go and live with.”
