The long awaited and much sought after cure for hangovers has finally arrived according to a team of scientists who claim that the cure for a night of over indulging in alcohol is the common house hold duvet.
“It was right in front of us the whole time,” explained lead researcher Dr. Niall Henry. “We were trying all kinds of pharmacological solutions but as it turns out, wrapping yourself in a duvet and staying there for several hours is the only cure you need.”
Explaining how his research took him to some extreme lengths in search of a cure, Dr. Henry said he’d tried everything from “downing raw eggs, having a shot or two of whiskey and even eating charcoal” all in search for the cure.
“In spite of all these folk remedies we found that if people just said ‘fuck it’ and buried their heads under a duvet for several hours then invariably you’ll be fine,” added Dr. Henry.
Duvets, says Dr. Henry, are available in any homeware store in every town in the country so the cure is readily available for everyone. Providing instructions for use the doctor said, “Apply the duvet liberally over your groaning body, preferably in a darkened room. Supplement the duvet with plenty of water and a box set of something and you should be fine in about 6 hours.”
“The discovery of the cure was actually something of an accident,” concluded Dr. Henry. “I had a heavy night of drinking and when I woke up I didn’t want to go to work and take the painkillers like I usually would with a hangover so I said ‘balls to this’, left a voicemail message saying I wouldn’t be in, climbed back under the duvet, had a wank, fell back asleep, and when I woke up 4 hours later I was cured. Remarkable.”
