Bristolian DJ and connoisseur of fried food and techno, Eats Everything, will this week take to the decks half-submerged in a vat of chicken gravy for an exclusive Boiler Room filmed directly from his local chip shop.
The event, billed as the best DJ set you’ll ever see while garlic sauce dribbles down your greasy chin, will combine Mr. Pearce’s two great loves – food and music.
“People are going to love the set, I’m going for two halves – salt and vinegar, house and techno, the only two condiments dance music needs,” gushed an excited Eats Everything. “I’ll also be spinning tunes while half naked in a reconditioned wheelie bin filled with warm gravy.”
“Not only is gravy delicious on chips and better than mushy peas in every way imaginable but it also feels nice gently slurping around your exposed dick and balls,” he added.
Unlike most Boiler Rooms, claims the release, people will be unabashedly enjoying themselves on account of the fact that they will be eating actual food as opposed to their own trembling chins.
Pioneer DJ have also been keen to tie in on the event by creating a set of specially covered grease proof CDJs and mixer while Eats has also hired a “man-slave” whose job it will be to hand feed Eats with portions of chips, fish and battered sausages so that he doesn’t have to stop DJing.
“I could have avoided the need for Gareth (the man-slave) by pre-recording the set but as much as I love eating I don’t think I love anything enough to ever think about doing that,” continued Eats. “Besides, a sausage in batter is markedly improved when it’s lovingly plunged in and out of your mouth by the hand of another man.”
“So yeah, it’s going to be amazing,” continued Eats around a mouthful of “palate cleansing” pizza. “Most DJs attempt to affect an air of cool detachment, preferring to be a skinny, snorts-everything, snobbish aesthete who you could never imagine tucking into a heftily stacked half pounder with cheese, not me.”
“This is a chance to showcase that, as well as to be spoonfed greasy treats from the hand of a grown man who I’ve paid for the pleasure while at the same time paddling in a wheelie bin brim-filled with chicken gravy,” continued Eats. “It’s a once in a teatime opportunity,” he quipped.
Other events expected to happen throughout the set include a hot dog eating contest, a competition to see who can make the best chip butty and a Peas vs Gravy fight to the death between a randomly chosen southerner, or as they’re also known Man United fans, and a northerner, alternatively known as car thieves.
“The fight will be to the death and will be conducted by men stripped to the waist in a vat containing gravy, peas, sweat and old water,” detailed the press release. “The resulting gelatinous organic mess will then be packaged and sold as a chunky soup for Findus – which you may find disgusting, but is it any worse than a crispy pancake?”
Other DJs are expected to take the lead from Eats idea and perform DJ sets from locations related to their personalities with the most publicised one expected to be Calvin Harris and Avicii going back to back in a Colombian cocaine processing plant.
[alert type=yellow ]Guess what? Most Wunderground stories might be not be “exactly true” but this one is actually happening! Well, maybe not exactly as described above, but our good friend Eats Everything really is doing a Boiler Room from his favourite chip shop this Wednesday! See below for details from Boiler Room and check out our Facebook page as we’re giving away the best Eats Everything prize pack ever![/alert]
