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EDM Revealed To Be CIA Plot

EDM Revealed To Be CIA Plot

The clubbing community reacted with shock today as the ripples created by recent revelations surrounding sub-pop music genre ‘EDM’ were felt across the world.

The news that EDM has in fact been the culmination of several decades worth of work and billions of dollars spent by the CIA came as a surprise to some, but not to many. House music historian Tammy Rockthorpe commented, “It’s pretty obvious that the empty soulless fluff being constantly pushed out is part of a wider plan to dull young people’s senses. It not only does not fit within the organic development of dance music but also sounds particularly gammy.”

The project, initiated under the Nixon administration, originally attempted to subvert and control the populace through the medium of disco but was shelved by Reagan in 1985. Documents pertaining to the original black ops campaign were released under a freedom of information request after declassification late last year.

The science behind ‘Endemic Dissociative Manipulation’ was, according to the heavily redacted paper, harvested along with many other pieces of German research after WW2. According to a top White House source at the time, “The EDM project goal was a matter of national security: to separate individuals from their cultural history by spamming them with aural tat.”

“It fell apart when the TR-909 campaign backfired. We wanted to finance pro western groups inside East Germany during the cold war. Unfortunately most units shipped to Detroit, Chicago and New York, stimulating the birth of hiphop and techno,” claimed the source. “Reagan was fuming.”

“Most original TR-909’s, when soaked in ammonium hydroxide, dissolve to reveal thousands of Soviet era East German ‘Ostmarks.’” the source continued. “The remaining residue when dried can be used as a moderately powerful explosive. Fortunately the units were kept in tact and used for cultural revolution only.”

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The EDM project was then revived by President Bush in the wake of 9/11 and the post Patriot Act spending boom, the source commented, “Things became very relaxed in the nineties after the famous incident where Tony Blair demonstrated to Bill Clinton how to perform a codeine extraction before watching Human Traffic together. But when Bush came into power he wanted a project that could bring both his love for Alice Deejay and world domination into play simultaneously. That project was EDM.”

Since that point EDM’s value to the CIA has become phenomenal, not only as a means of behavioural control but also as a revenue stream.

A CIA operative obviously wishing to remain anonymous said,“We have been trying to manipulate which direction the Molly vote goes in future elections but to be honest it’s out of control now. We couldn’t shut it down if we wanted to and we have no idea how those crazy day glow kids will react if we cut off the MDMA. I just hope Skrillex doesn’t want to be president.”

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