A psychiatrist from Denver, Colorado, has claimed that listening to EDM, by artists like David Guetta or Afrojack, is the “perfect cure for happiness”.
Doctor Marie Schafer, who specialises in treating people with depression, has seen a steady decrease in her patient numbers since Colorado legalised marijuana for commercial sale to the general public in January 2014.
The doctor is now encouraging people to listen to EDM and is even considering setting up a promotions company to help bring more EDM events to the Continental State.
Wunderground spoke to Schafer earlier, “Since pot has become so readily available here in Denver we’ve seen a lot of people with mental health issues self medicating. It’s great that people’s state of mind is improving, but it’s shit when you’re profession involves people being depressed.”
“I’ll be honest with you,” she said as she leaned forward and lowered her voice. “ I didn’t get into psychiatry because I wanted to see people be happy. I got into into it for the money and the more miserable those suckers are the more new pairs of Jimmy Choo shoes I get, that’s why I’m now actively encouraging people to listen to EDM.”
“I don’t know what it is about that music but I’ve seen grown men reduced to sobbing bundles of emotional piss after listening to it for just a couple of minutes,” continued the doctor. “It’s like kryptonite, only instead of having to mine it from the fictional planet Krypton it comes from ghost producers in Chinese sweatshops.”
“If it was down to me everybody would be listening to this shit but, unfortunately, most people aren’t dumb enough to sit through more than a couple of seconds of it,” she said with a sigh. “That’s why I’m thinking of setting up a promotions company where I can bring EDM events to Colorado but package them as something different and try to fool people into listening to the music.”
Ms. Schafer concluded by saying that she will alleviate any guilt she may feel from intentionally making people unhappy by treating herself to a brand new Mercedes.
