Rumours emerging from America today suggest that an EDM fan group, called Bros For EDM, have applied for a licence to host a new electronic music festival to be entitled, I Hate Techno.
The festival, set to be held in EDM’s spiritual home Lincoln, Nebraska, is believed to be an alternative to the long running European festival, I Love Techno, held in Ghent, Belgium, every November.
“We were having our weekly Bros For EDM meeting in Steve’s mom’s basement last Saturday when we realised that the one thing America really needs is another EDM festival,” explained Bros For EDM chairman Zac Same.
“Everyone knows the most important thing about an EDM festival is a name that people will remember,” continued Mr. Same. “EDM raver kids are generally too drugged up or stupid to remember what the music at an EDM gig was like, and even if they do most of the tracks I know are pretty much exactly the same as each other so it’s hard to say whether or not they’re any good, but give an EDM raver kid a good festival name and they’ll remember it forever.”
“We decided to put all of our heads together and came up with I Hate Techno,” revealed Mr. Same. “People who love techno have somewhere to go so we thought it would be nice for people like us, who hate techno or just don’t understand it because the DJs never tell you what parts of the songs are the best on the microphone, to have a festival to go to too.”
“It’s gonna be all about EDM, kandi and PLUR, except where techno’s involved, there’ll be no PLUR for techno,” he said dismissively.
According to techno enthusiast and regular I Love Techno attendee Ricardo Villalobos, calling a festival I Hate Techno is completely against everything the dance music community stands for.
“I just don’t get it,” claimed Mr. Villalobos earlier. “These guys claim to be dance music fans and they go around preaching about peace, love, unity and respect but in their next breath they are saying they hate techno. That’s bollix, they’ve forgotten what the true meaning of a music festival is. It’s about getting mashed and losing your trousers. The kids today are so out of touch.”
“It shouldn’t even be called I Hate Techno,” he concluded. “A more accurate name would be I Don’t Understand Techno Because I’ve Been Fed A Diet Of Unadulterated Pop-EDM Garbage. I just feel sorry that their entrance into clubbing wasn’t a bit more credible.”
