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September 8, 2016
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EDM Is Like An Onion – No Layers But It Stinks And Makes People Cry

According to a leading music journalist, EDM is just like an onion because it stinks and makes people cry.

Rolling Stone reporter Barry Holmes made the claims during a rare radio interview and also likened some of the world’s leading EDM DJs to parasites and viruses.

“Comparing things to onions is very common in the world of metaphors,” claimed Holmes earlier. “Usually it’s because you can say something has layers which works for almost anything, not however for EDM which, apart from that godawful Avicii tune, has no layers at all and is completely one dimensional.”

“The similarities between EDM and onions are that they both stink and regularly make people cry,” explained Holmes. “In fact, the whole EDM industry stinks, right from its corporate core through to every kandi wearing little cunt who buys it and goes to the events. Some people will probably call me a cynic for saying that but I like to think I’m more of a realist.”

“And don’t even get me started on the DJs,” insisted Holmes before firing straight into a rant about the DJs. “They’re nothing but parasites sucking the life out of the music industry and getting rich of the hard work of others. Diplo, Steve Aoki, David Guetta, Calvin Harris, they’re like diseases slowly eating the industry from the inside out and I for one can’t wait for this truly horrible fad to blow over like an unwanted tropical storm.”

According to word on the street, most people, aged fourteen and over, agree with Mr Holmes’s metaphor, although, in some cases, people claimed that EDM was more like a “steaming pile of shit” than an onion.

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