A young dance music producer from the Valley area of California has admitted that he not only loves reverb, but that he may be in love with it. Dann Moloney made the admission to friends last night after a gig as they drank alcohol from red cups, which they claim is just a thing you have to do in California.
His friend and mentor, Chad Dylan Corey Taylor Thomas, spoke to Wunderground this morning about the admission. “We knew he loved reverb. Everything he ever produced sounded like it was lost underground. Like it was in a cave somewhere really far away. So I’m not surprised really.”
He went on, “I once found him standing in his kitchen with a microphone, a reverb pedal and a speaker, just chanting the words ‘spacey vibes’ over and over. Of course, I called a doctor. But the doctor claimed that this wasn’t unusual for a dance music producer who does his own vocals.”
The producer, who works under the name of Beverly Skills and describes the provided picture as “top dick pulling material for the reverb rapt”, kindly granted us an interview earlier today, on condition that it would be conducted at opposite ends of the Grand Canyon so that the reverb on our vocals would be at its’ absolute maximum.
“I’ve always been a trance producer trapped inside an electro producer’s body,” said Beverly, his voice echoing and fading down the canyon as he spoke. “It’s been hard for me, making this crisp brand of funky electro house, when inside me there were only rising strings, spacey vocals and sub-Hallmark lyrics which attempt to lift your spirits, but in fact would make you physically sick from their disgustingly saccharine nature. I guess you could say I’m lovesick for trance.”
The young producer looked at the floor for a moment and continued, “I became aware of the fact that I was sexually attracted to reverb when I heard WooHoo by H.O.S.H. I had these strange feelings and suddenly found myself jacking in then jacking off to the sounds being played.”
“So I’ve decided to come clean, if you’ll excuse the choice of phrase,” said Mr. Skills. “I love reverb. I love it. The world should have more of it. I’m going to write to our Government and suggest they increase reverb levels all over the country by restructuring the shape of cities to maximise the vibe.”
If any readers are experiencing the same problems, help is available. There are YouTube tutorials on the proper usage of reverb, there are support groups which gather in Churches for the first few weeks, then gather in Large Halls and finally in Small Rooms, slowly decreasing your exposure to reverb. And if things get particularly difficult you can always undergo a procedure to remove your VSTs.
