In a shock move announced today by electricity suppliers everywhere, Electro is to be disconnected for allowing itself to fall into arrears. The move was announced at a candle lit vigil where Electro exponents from across the globe gathered to mourn the loss of their genre. The vigil was intended to be strobe lit, but since Electro has been disconnected, candlelight had to suffice.
Electro found itself in trouble over the past few years due to a decline in popularity, which many attribute to the increased interest in other genres. Cities like Detroit have seen many people left without jobs or electronic music for some time now, and economists fear it may only get worse.
Nigel Cheeseman of the Daily Grind, a paper which deals with “the economy, economists and economics” (read, money, money, money) had this to say, “It’s a terrible state of affairs. There are well known Electro DJs and producers busking on the street for pennies. Just last week, I saw Fedde LeGrand dancing on a street corner for scraps of food or toilet paper.”
He looked down for a moment, obviously saddened by what he saw, and said, “Fedde was putting his hands up for the police as they arrested him on charges of public idiocy.”
“The week before that I spotted Daft Punk busking with two ukuleles on the same corner. They were stood there, their helmets out in front of them on the street, with only loose change to line them,” he said with a single tear hung upon his cheek.
Cheeseman went on, “Model 500 have been downgraded to Model 100 and I just heard that Kraftwerk are selling their bodies for cash. I mean the robot ones. Not their real ones. Things aren’t that bad for them… just yet,” he added.
“There’s trouble everywhere,” he continued. “I’ve even spotted Afrojack in his garage trying to cobble together a set of acoustic decks from his garden furniture.”
The news has rocked the world of EDM, with record companies shitting themselves at the possibility of a loss of revenue, however they are refusing to offer up any cash to actually help out.
Folk fans the world over have gathered around campfires to recite poetry in appreciation of the move. One particularly crusty and unkempt “gentleman” had this to say, “It’s like… Duuuuude. You know? I was all like… Wo! But then, you know… that’s how it is, man.”
Electro fans have agreed that the last bit of electricity they have will be used to tazer the “gentleman” in question, and all agree this to be a wise move.
