An elderly English man who bought what he believed to be a stick of rock while on holidays in New York has been arrested for possession of crack cocaine.
Kenneth Winters, a retired engineer from Yorkshire, claimed he had been searching all day for a stick of rock for his grandson before making the ill fated transaction.
“I think I’d been to just about every shop in New York looking for a stick of rock,” explained Mr. Winters from a prison holding cell. “It’s practically impossible to get over here so when a nice young gentleman on the street told me he could ‘hook me up’ I jumped at the chance.”
“He led me down a laneway and told me it’d cost ten dollars,” continued the keen bowls player. “I thought ten dollars seemed a bit expensive but this is America, everything is more expensive over here, they even have to pay to go to the doctors.”
“When he gave it to me I couldn’t believe how small it was,” claimed Mr. Winters, “but again I’m not familiar with the place so I just assumed that’s the way a stick of rock looks over here, I remember thinking ‘if it that small it must taste lovely, I bet young Benji will really enjoy sucking on that’ now that I think about it I’m kind of glad I didn’t get it home to him, at six years old he’d probably be one of Yorkshire’s youngest crack heads.”
“I only got caught after I asked a police officer if that was the normal size of a stick of rock in New York,” revealed Mr. Winters, known to friends as “big friendly Ken”. “That was three days ago, I’ve missed my flight home and I have no idea when I’m going to get out. I’ve heard they have rapers in the prisons over here which is a bit frightening, although I have been awful lonely since Sadie passed last year.”