In a strange turn of events, Ibiza’s San Antonio nightclub Es Paradis is now offering free admission to all of the island’s ISIS members.
According to Ibiza sources, Es Paradis are willing to “completely reinvent themselves” in an attempt to fill the club, even if that means “converting to a mosque or ISIS training camp”.
Wunderground spoke to Es Paradis spokesperson Paul Pilkington earlier, “We had no idea there were ISIS supporters on the island,” he confirmed. “If we had of know, we would have tried to get them into the club ages ago. It’s hard to believe that there’s been a demographic on the island who we haven’t made a desperate attempt to appeal to for the entire season.”
“It’s probably a bit too late to save the season now,” revealed Pilkington, “about ten years too late if I’m being honest with you, but a busy winter could really set us up for a big summer in 2017 so we’re willing to try anything to make that happen, even if that means filling the place with Islamic extremists.”
“If you’re an extremist and you come down with your birth cert, some radical views and a balaclava we’ll give you your very own ISIS wristband which will get you free entry to the club all winter,” explained Pilkington. “We’ll also be offering two for one on our brand new range of alcohol free cocktails to anyone with a wrist band between now and 1 January, so if you fancy a Guantanamo Bay Ice Tea, Bloody Infidel or Jihad on the Beach you know exactly where to come.”
Wunderground also spoke to ISIS cell member Naz Al Quifa, “There’s no way that any of us will be going to Es Paradis,” he joked. “You must be mad, there isn’t enough virgins in the world to get me into that place. You can all relax, we’re not here to carry out an attack, we’re here because we like the climate, there’s good hash and plenty of women’s elbows and knees for us to look at.”
