A massively expensive London-based DJing course has reportedly forgotten to educate students about the part where they don’t wind up becoming famous DJs and end up teaching a DJ course themselves.
The course, which contends that it can turn the most unskilled beginner into a superstar DJ over the course of 5 short weeks for £500, has reportedly “forgotten” to include the bit about being a DJ where you don’t earn any real money and hopefully give up your pathetic pipe dream in your early twenties “before you do real damage to your career prospects”.
Awesome DJ School claimed that there’s nothing underhanded in their practice of not teaching students the harsh realities of making a career as a DJ and that they “simply forgot” to include it in their course.
“Shit yeah, that’s on me,” admitted course provider and former DJ, Brian Best. “Must have just slipped my mind to include it cause I was so busy totally putting people on the path to stardom.”
“I teach all the necessary skills to become a famous DJ – like mixing, beatmatching, creating a marketable image on Facebook and fellatio,” explained Brian. “If the student doesn’t wind up becoming a superstar DJ it’s hardly my fault, I teach the student the tools, it’s up to him or her to use them.”
“Look we’ve got the statistics to back up what we do, a whopping 0.01% of all of our students wind up famous,” continued Brian. “While the other 99% percent can DJ proficiently enough to get a gig at a local club before they get bored with it after a summer…isn’t that worth £500?”
According to estimates none of the DJs who currently enjoy a degree of stardom learnt their trade via attending a DJ skills course with most learning by spending time, rather than money, honing their craft over years and not a six week course.
“The whole business model is predicated on the false modern idea that anyone can do anything they want, which is just plain ridiculous,” claimed one observer, 32-year-old Chris Fisher. “Fortunately for the owner of the business, wannabe DJs by their nature are impractical and prone to flights of fancy, which enables them to fantasise that they’re playing to audiences of thousands when they’re alone mixing in their bedrooms.”
Some of the wannabe DJs who have attended the courses have predicted that they’ll “probably be known worldwide by next summer” and have already started fanpages on Facebook in anticipation of that day.
“I attend all eight of the gruelling one-hour workshops so I’m a DJ now,” claimed one student while another insisted that “not being a world famous DJ is an impossibility” for him having forked over the £500.
“They also do a music production weekend course,” he added. “I’ll probably do that before I record my first album.”
Chris believes that these wannabe DJs are merely having their naive egos fed and will most likely not end up as DJs despite what the spend and will probably end up teaching DJing courses themselves at some point in the future.
“These courses just leave out some aspects of how DJ careers progress, what you’d probably call the truth,” he added. “Which is that of all the people who have ambitions to become DJs the vast, vast majority will never achieve a modicum of success beyond playing for pints in their local clubnight before giving up and going back to their real jobs.”
“By all means, DJ as a hobby for yourself, just don’t spend £500 for some failed DJ to delude your ego,” he advised.
