Failed DJ Admits Complaining About EDM Is Now His Biggest Passion In Life
A failed DJ from Lincoln, Nebraska, has admitted that giving out about EDM is now the only passion he has left in his life.
Spencer Dawson, a thirty eight year old bartender, made the tearful admission after a late night boozing session with friends last weekend.
“It was sad to see Spencer give up his dreams of becoming a famous DJ,” explained Spencer’s close friend and occasional fuck Sara Malone. “I’ve known for years that he’d never make, it was kind of obvious but you can’t help rooting for your friends – even when their beatmatching sounds like a fat stutterer tripping down a spiral staircase.”
“I’m just glad he has EDM to give out about,” continued Ms. Malone. “It’ll really give him something to focus on now that he’s not going to be spending his time begging promoters for gigs, recording daily demo mixes and producing sub-standard tunes on Fruity Loops.”
Mr. Dawson began DJing as a teenager in the early 90s after receiving a set of turntables and a two channel mixer as a Christmas present.
Things seemed to be going well for Spencer in 2001 when he was included in a line up alongside DJ Sneak but after the self proclaimed house gangster accused Spencer of eating one of his his sandwiches gigs became harder to get and it was not until 2009 before he finally played in public again.
“It was a pretty big deal for me to admit that I’ve lost my passion for DJing,” admitted Mr. Dawson. “I’m thirty eight years old now and there’s only so many support slots you can play to an empty room before you finally realise that you’re never going to make it. I came to that realisation about fifteen years ago and now I’m finally ready to admit defeat.”
“Personally, I think the only reason why I haven’t enjoyed the success I deserve is because I was born about ten years too early,” continued Spencer who performed under the name DJ Spen Master. “Obviously Nebraska wasn’t ready for my unique brand of jacking house back in the early naughties but I was good, I was real good,” he implored.
“Now it’s time for me to move on,” he continued with a faint quiver of his lower lip. “Dance music has been such a big part of my life and I really want to stay in the industry so now I’m going to spend every spare minute I have moaning and bitching about EDM DJs, EDM producer, EDM festivals, EDM fans and just EDM in general.”
“I mean what’s up with those guys anyway? They’re total fucking douches right?” he asked, desperately seeking approval. “I’ve got more talent in my painted little toenail than David Guetta or Calvin Harris have in their entire feet, why should they be the ones to get all the rewards? It’s not like I’m some kind of bitter hater but I really hate all of those schmucks bitterly.”
Reports emerging from Nebraska suggest that Spencer is considering quitting his bartending job to concentrate on his new new dream of becoming a Wunderground writer.