Fans across the world have been left unimpressed that hithero mysterious dance music producer Burial has been revealed to be “just a normal guy”.
The fame shy producer, whose true identity has been the subject of rumour and debate for years with suspicions landing on such diverse figures as Four Tet, Edward Snowden, J.K. Rowling and Father Christmas, left a message revealing his true identity, plans for new music and appreciation to fans and friends on Hyperdub.com last week.
“I wish he had stayed anonymous if I’m being honest,” declared Burial fan, Jason Crowley, a 29 year old alcoholism denier. “He has this air to him, a mystery and attraction that is gone now. It’s like when you find out that Santa Claus isn’t real and every Christmas after that is just a foolish charade.”
“Massively disappointed,” claimed another self-proclaimed Burial fanatic, Dubliner Natalie Gormley. “He’s just a normal bloke with a Mum and a Dad, how gay is that? All these years I was hoping he was a mask wearing vigilante-ghost who was single handedly subverting modern music with his beats, but then I find out he’s got a sister and parents who he loves. The fact that he’s not a figment of society’s imagination is the hardest blow.”
Most fans who Wunderground spoke to expressed concern that Burial, real name Will Bevan, admitted to enjoying a normal, anonymous regular existence. “Normally I’d be kind of thrilled to find out that famous people were just like me,” explained Jason,” but in this instance just imagining him sitting around, in a chair probably from Ikea, eating Rich Tea biscuits and playing video games over a few spliffs just ruins the magic a bit.”
“I think one of the only saving graces is that he still affects an air of casual disdain, presumably directed at the music industry, by not smiling in the selfie,” added Jason. “Although it is a selfie, and that in itself is enough to leave a sour taste in the mouth.”
“I suppose I’m just disappointed because I always thought ‘Who is Burial’ would be one of those mysteries that’d never be solved like the abominable snowman, The Stig or how Keith Richards isn’t dead,” he added.
“Whenever I listen to Burial now I won’t think of an elusive underworld figure,” he concluded, “but a normal bloke called Will who probably picks his nose and takes shits, just like me.”
