Felix Da Housecat’s doctor has made a statement today that he has had to neuter his client after an alleged affair with Miss Kittin.
The pair met during the production of Kittenz and Thee Glitz however sources claim the affair only began recently. The operation to neuter Felix was a success according to Dr. Robert Dreyfuss, and the Doctor has informed us that Felix is now recuperating in his rented apartment located just above the Battersea Cats and Dogs home.
A witness to the alleged ‘Maddkatt Courtship’, Mr. Jack Russell, had described hearing screeching, scratching and meowing from the hotel room next to him, the same hotel where Felix and Miss Kittin were staying after EDMDMA festival in Las Vegas.
He has said of the event, “I was trying to sleep after a three day binge of music, mud and mayhem. My head was pounding and my subconscious was screaming at me. Then I realised the pounding was actually the sound of the bed in the next room hitting the wall, and the screaming sounded like two cats fighting. And usually my subconscious screaming sounds like Bjork in a wind tunnel.”
“I banged on the wall to shut them up, but no luck,” he continued whilst scratching himself nonchalantly. “It went on for about twenty minutes, so I called into the room. The scene that met my tired eyes was utterly shocking… Like Something 4 Porno,” he said.
He dropped his head and could be seen to visibly balk. “Felix opened the door. His cat toy was dangling from his hand. Miss Kittin was in bed enjoying what looked like a post-coital ball of wool. There was kitty litter everywhere. On the bed, on the walls, on their faces. There were treats everywhere too, scattered about the room like rose petals. It was like that scene in Fear and Loathing, the one at the start of part 2 of the book. Total hedonistic devastation everywhere.”
“Felix just said to me, ‘I’m just rippin’ Kittin. Ain’t no thang brotha,” said Mr. Russel, “and then he closed the door in my face.”
Both Felix and his ‘Phantasy Girl’ have been suspiciously quiet about the whole incident, however rumours have begun circulating that Miss Kittin is expecting a rather large litter soon.
Dr. Dreyfuss has insisted that he knows nothing about the alleged affair, and has even gone so far as to say that he thinks that the witness, Jack Russell, is just yapping for no reason.
