Hollywood executives have optioned the life story of candyfloss house producer and children’s entertainer ‘Deadmau5’.
The film will tell the story of the producer’s struggle to gain acceptance from the musical community – in particular those over the age of 12 with fully functioning hearing – and how he eventually resorted to pretending to be a mouse, so that he “wouldn’t be judged too harshly”.
Deadmau5, real name Joel Zimmerman, said: “I’m a just a small, pathetic creature who lives behind cupboards and scavenges the crumbs that fall from your mouth. Pay me no mind. If you don’t already, judge my music, in fact everything about me, as if I were a tiny, dead animal.”
“I’m as dead on the outside as I am on the inside. Put me in a little box and forget about me, or if you want, just toss me in the bin.”
Despite the cartoon-based musician’s pleas, however, humans continue to treat him as a pariah.
Tom Booker said: “He’s not dead. He’s very much alive, so rather than lowering my expectations with this charade, he’s unjustly raised them.”
“But I don’t care if he’s dead – he’s still Canadian, he doesn’t take drugs, he looks like a mouse and his name’s a bit German. He’s Willy Wonka’s bad acid trip, Walt Disney’s idea of a musician.
“He’s what our grandparents fought to prevent.”
Hollywood producer Gerry Bernstein, who wears a signet ring with his own face on it, said: “Joel’s story is one of adaptation – a salient warning to those who aspire beyond their station, in the mould of a Greek tragedy.”
“Unfortunately when we put him in front of a movie focus group they reported intense feelings of despair, which eventually morphed into contempt and then developed into uncontrollable violent fury. So we’re doing him in CGI.”
“I think people just feel more comfortable with the idea that he isn’t real.”
