A giant fossilised hash plant from the cretaceous era has proved, beyond all reasonable doubt, that dinosaurs smoked weed.
Palaeontologist Rex Marley believes the fossil dates back to approximately four hundred and twenty million years ago and represents a major breakthrough in the origins of stonerism.
“Up until very recently, we believed the smoking of weed only dated back to around the time that man first discovered fire,” explained Marley earlier. “But the discovery of fossilised hash plants have completely blown these theories out of the water. It now seems that the roots of stonerism go back an awful lot further than we initially thought.”
“We can confidently say that dinosaurs were smoking hash on Earth four hundred and twenty million years ago,” he continued. “These aren’t modern hash plants like you can find today, they’re prehistoric hash plants, each leaf is over three meters long and almost two meters wide, these plants probably could have produced buds weighing anything up to a tonne each, essentially they were giant hash trees.”
“There are a number of factors that tell us the dinosaurs were definitely smoking the weed,” claimed the palaeontologist. “Most notably, the presence of Rizzlosorous bones. The Rizzlosorous was a small two-legged dinosaur with light paper like skin, it’s likely that bigger dinosaurs would have caught the Rizzlosaurs for their skins, which they then would have used to skin up dino-blunts.”
“We’ve also found a number of fossilised giant peanut shells and a lot of berry seeds,” he told us. “Which we presume the herbivore dinosaurs used to make some sort of very primitive peanut butter and jelly sandwiches when they had a dose of the munchies.”
Reports suggest that most dinosaurs smoked weed to help them relax in the evening, apart from the T-Rex whose crappy little arms were unable to skin up spliffs.