A complete lack of interest in tickets for Donald Trump’s inauguration party has led organisers to offer free admission before eleven pm for tonight’s event.
According to sources, less than a quarter of the tickets allocated for general sale have been sold and over seventy-five percent of people who received invites to the party have yet to RSVP.
“We’ve never seen anything like this before,” claimed White House events coordinator Linda Burke. “Usually, inauguration parties are extremely exclusive events, we normally get one hundred percent RSVPs, general release tickets are usually sold within a matter of minutes and then we get thousands of people contacting us and asking can we fit them in, we haven’t seen any of that this time, it’s like nobody really cares.”
“So far, Michael Flatley’s Lord of the Dance and some busker are the only confirmed entertainers we’ve got,” continued Burke. “Things could get a little boring, there’s only so much of Michael Flatley anyone can take and I’ve heard the busker only knows three songs, we’re thinking of renting a karaoke machine to keep people interested.”
“If we don’t see a rush of people trying to make it in before eleven, we’ll offer two for one cocktails all night and if that doesn’t work we’ll just have to close off a section of the ballroom and send some of the staff home early,” explained the event coordinator. “I don’t mind, it makes my job a little easier and it’ll be a hell of a lot easier to clean up after than Obama’s party, it took us six months to get the smell of weed out of those table cloths.”
Experts predict Trump’s inauguration party will be the quietest of all of the forty-five American Presidents’ soirees, with many believing it could be “quieter than a DJ Sneak gig in Liverpool”.
