The National Health Service have today confirmed to us that the market leader in professional sound systems, FUNKTION-ONE & BUPA have come up with a new Scheme to provide sound into all OAP care homes. This shocking rave-alation comes as it’s been recognised that most of the original House Music Djs from the 80s are hitting retirement age, and want the party to continue until the grave.
Djs like Carl Cox, Sven Vath, Paul Gotel and Brandon Block have welcome the news with open arms and are said to be looking at care homes in London, Ibiza and the mecca location for the elderly, Eastbourne.
Coxy has already shared his excitement about being back on the south coast, albeit not at the same pace as his legendary days as a resident at Brighton’s Zap Club.
“To be able to sit in my comfy recliner looking out over downtown Eastbourne listening to my favourite Vinyl just sounds heavenly. We don’t even have to get up to change the tracks, the nurses will do it for us. I pay extra for that service though!”
A FUNKTION-ONE spokesman told us, “As these guys are hitting their 50’s and 60’s, they just want to kick back with a copy of the Daily Mail, a cup of tea, and some Aphex Twin banging away in their ears. Obviously the systems we are going to install with be fitted with sound and bass limiters, as some of these old skool DJs just haven’t got the ear capacity they used to have back in the day. You’ve seen the film it’s all gone Pete Tong, well ironically the system we are installing into Pete’s care home has some of the strictest limits set. Mind you saying that, he’s sharing with Vanilla Ice and Peter Stringfellow and neither of those guys like house and techno!”
BUPA Chief exec and Head Warden at Plastic Dreams Home for the Elderly, gave us a little insight into the behaviour of some of the Djs he’s taken in over the last few years.
“Most of the time they just sit there looking through their old flyers and outdated copies of what hi-fi waiting for medicine time. We’ve taken to putting imprints on all their pills, which seems to make em happy for some reason! What you’ve got to remember is that most of these guys were tricked into coming here. They were told they have a new residency!