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German Clubbers Now Leaving Towels Outside Berghain On Thursday Morning To Avoid Queues

German Clubbers Now Leaving Towels Outside Berghain On Thursday Morning To Avoid Queues

Entry to Berlin’s most exclusive nightclub, Berghain, has just become a little bit harder after it was revealed that German clubbers are now leaving towels outside the club’s doors as early as Thursday morning.

The latest development will come as bad news to British and Irish clubbing tourists who already have a number of obstacles, including a language barrier and a secret handshake, to navigate when trying to gain entry to the club. Up to three hundred towels are reported to have been left outside the club this morning, ensuring extra long queuing time and minimal chance of entry for anyone choosing to visit the club later this weekend.

The towel maneuver has been a popular German tactic for staking a claim on something ever since thousands of German soldiers left their towels on Poland in 1939. However, in recent years the towel tactic has mostly been used by German holiday makers, in particular men dressed in Speedos, to reserve sun loungers in an attempt to tan their shriveled bodies an unnatural shade of leather brown and make teenage girls giggle.

Patrick O’Hanlon, an Irish man traveling to Berlin this weekend, claims he probably won’t even bother trying to get into Berghain after hearing about the towels.

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“I’ve been to Berlin clubbing a few times now. I love the place,” claimed O’Hanlon. “There’s nowhere like it in the world when it comes to clubbing. Every time I’ve gone I’ve tried to get into Berghain and been refused. It’s easier to get into a nun’s fanny than it is to get into that place. I really don’t see what all the exclusivity is about, at the end of the day it’s just a lot of people dancing and a few lads fucking. A lot like backstage at a One Direction concert.”

View Comments (12)
  • Exclusivity explanation: Every club has certain atmosphere. The owners of Berghain believe that to create this atmosphere not only music, ambient, lights, service and drinks are necessary. Its the handshake of a true Techno lover. The smile of a slightly vodka empowered 45 years old electro loving granmma. Simply to put. PEOPLE create a family, enviroment and ENERGY – ATHMOSPHERE so cheriched and protected by the brave and most of the time missunderstood door bouncers. Yes, not always its fair. Yes, not always it seems right. BUT it wouldnt be berghain and they wouldnt be around for so long with such reputation if they didnt protected what matters most. ENERGY created by the RIGHT MIXTURE OF PEOPLE.

    So… dont loose hopes. There are people who bought a funny wig for 10euros just to show a bit creativity. A bit crazyness. A bit of their soul and hear expressing them self. Sometimes its the right smile. A right hole in your tshirt at the most left place 😉

    If you had a family that is extraordinary crazy and creative? Would you let in to your party someone who is extraordinary boring? Wouldnt a good fit dont you think? 😉

    Much love and understand to you my friends – *jj

    • Article explanation: Every website has a certain angle. The owners of wundergroundmusic.com believe that to create this atmosphere not only music, art and words are necessary. They believe that electronic music, it’s performers, fans and clubs can be fucking hilarious sometimes so they made this satire site that’s so close to the bone that people actually believe it. Thank you so much for believing it because it makes my life worth living. 😉

      Much love and understand to you my friends. – *ae

  • Heavy shit,towell dance department.Wher smile is a curage and they say that atlantida is the newercoming out answer:)

  • ive been around in the german techno/house scene for 15 ish years and this club is redicoulus, this club is famous for its doors, havent heard/seen something other than that, and thats the ‘magic’ of this club, there are and have been plenty of places better than berghain, people please stop pushing something like this, its no culture, no nothing-its the opposite, techno-for me was always about people standing on comon ground, beeing the same, this (berghain) ideology fancys the fancy….simple marketing…if u want people to desire something or give it arificial value, make it or let it appear scarse, and scince it has now this value u need a dore what keeps the ‘unwated’ crowd out….

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