A woman who has been tooting on a whistle for three hours at a rave near Gauche Mountain, Florida, has been officially pronounced as “the most annoying person in the world” by friends and at least everybody at the rave. Her friends are now reconsidering their position as her friend and have issued a statement stating that, unless she stops immediately or before the next track, there may be an intervention staged.
The woman entered the premises in possession of the whistle despite strict searches. According to the security team, drugs were their main concern. The security company’s policy states that, anyone found to be in possession of drugs were encouraged to share so that everyone would “be on the same buzz” and no-one would be bothering anyone with questions of “any pills?”
However, they have admitted culpability over the smuggling in of the whistle, which they admit was “a major oversight on our part. We know that a whistle at a rave is the surest way to see that everyone has a bad time…that and the police showing or a having a bad trip, or the police showing up and arresting you, while you’re having a bad trip.”
The woman began her rounds early in the night, running up to everyone she could find, shouting in their ear and then tootling at them with reckless abandon until they told her politely to “fuck off.” Reportedly, she would then shout “What’s your problem?!” back at them, seemingly unaware that she was so annoying that she was ruining everyone’s night.
The woman then began to take offence at the presence of attendees who just wanted to dance and enjoy themselves, and supposedly made it her mission to tootle at everyone until their annoyance reached “epic proportions”.
“She was always the type to push things too far,” claimed a friend. “If you were in the middle of a heart to heart with a mate in a club, she was always the one dragging you up to dance. If you were busy dancing, she was always dragging you off for a chat. Her contract as our friend has been under review for some time now after an alcohol induced urinating incident and we think we may have to issue a final warning to her sometime in the near future.”
Security managed to collar the woman, and remove the whistle from her. However, she supposedly had another one in a small holster around her ankle. She removed this and continued on her irritating path of obstruction.
It was at this point that the DJs present got together and discussed playing music which would drown out the annoying woman. However, every DJ attending had good taste in music and as such, none could find a record annoying enough to silence her. Supposedly one DJ had a Scooter record with him, “for irony’s sake”, but he was unprepared to play it as “the woman with the whistle was actually less annoying”.
It would seem that after the event, the entire EDM community may pull together to stop this atrocity from ever happening again. Supposedly a new self-policing policy will be introduced, whereby members of the crowd are entirely encouraged to take whistles from anyone in possession of them, and further to that, if the person refuses to stop, they may be allowed to sucker punch them in the diaphragm, depending on the severity of the case.
