Government Cuts Unemployment In Half By Considering “Bedroom DJ” An Actual Job

Governments across the world have slapped each other on the proverbial back today after they managed to successfully halve global unemployment statistics by considering bedroom DJs full time workers.

Under previous legislations bedroom DJs were considered by the government to be “unemployed pipe dreamers who should get real jobs” but in the wake of successive years of chronic unemployment the government has reversed its stance to consider it real work.

“Almost 80% of unemployed young men and women have attempted to become a DJ at some point in their lives,” confirmed a source. “So it made sense for our job creation program to bring ‘bedroom DJ’ under the official auspices of what the government considers appropriate work.”

“Well they do 30 to 35 hours of work per week,” claimed one UK government spokesperson, “so in the eyes of the government that amount of labour is considered full time work.”

Most bedroom DJs according to the government complete paid work whenever they play feebly paid gigs and considers “beer” an adequate form of renumeration and “in no way exploitative”.

“We will be implementing a tax system on their earnings however with an estimated 20% of all pints going directly to the exchequer,” he added.

“It’s a testament to the commitment and creativity of the EU wide austerity program that we’ve been able to slash unemployment figures so drastically,” he continued.

The government is set to extend the employment base even further by making “dudes who play guitar by themselves on their beds” a part time job while also considering people who sing sometimes in the shower or hum when doing housework as flexi-staff.

“Pretty soon we’ll be able to reach full employment when we eventually decide that breathing in and out is a form of worthwhile labour and figure out some way to tax it.”