A group of friends at a local nightclub were left in an extremely relieved condition earlier this week after an annoying guy on pills finally left them alone.
The annoying man, believed to be aged somewhere between twenty one and thirty nine, accosted the small group of friends, who were out celebrating exam results, at approximately nine thirty on Sunday evening and harassed them for up to three hours.
“I was really horrible,” claimed Becky Ward, a twenty year old student. “The guy was totally off his tits and so annoying, we thought he’d never leave us alone.”
“Every time a new song came on he’d start whooping and shouting things like ‘whoomph there it is” or ‘yo DJ pump this party’ it was like standing beside a cartoon character of a raver from the nineties,” recounted Becky, “all he was missing was an X-works t-shirt and a pair of white gloves,” she added.
“He was hanging around like a bad fart in a broken down lift,” continued Becky. “He kept trying to talk to us but none of us could understand a word he was saying despite the fact that he’d get so close to your face that you could feel his cheese and onion breath burning your cheek. It was totally manky, a lot like what I Imagine talking to Johnny Vegas is like.”
“Eventually, after nearly three hours, some other poor sap made the fatal error of asking him a question,” revealed Ms. Ward. “That was our cue to leave, as soon as he had his back turned we ran straight out the door and went to Wetherspoons, which was kind of weird because it was probably the only time I’ve ever actually been happy to go to a Wetherspoons.”
According to sources within the nightclub, the annoying guy on pills was later removed by security staff after mistaking a large potted plant in the smoking area for a urinal.