A young clubber who suffered from stage fright while attempting to use a urinal in a packed nightclub toilet hopes that no-one notices that he just stood there “pretending to piss.”
“I really thought I needed to go,” claimed 20 year old father of none, Jay Nichols. “I queued up and everything, but when I got to the urinal I just froze up and couldn’t make water.”
“I tried everything, I closed my eyes and focused my breathing while imagining my urethra relaxing and visualising glacial melt water streams,” he continued. “But nothing worked. It was too loud and there were people behind me in the queue who were tutting loudly.”
Jay says that after several seconds of trying unsuccessfully to piss he decided to start squeezing his diaphragm in a bid to force the urine out. “It felt like it was working but what I hadn’t planned on was for the colon to start loosening up,” he explained. “The last thing I wanted was to shit myself right there in the nightclub so I stopped pushing so hard, but by that point the thoughts of shitting myself made me even more tense.”
“It was at that point that I decided to just leave, but I couldn’t very well just turn around to the person behind me and say ‘You can take my spot mate, all the noise, banter and my inherent shame of my penis size are making it a bit difficult for me to wee,'” offered Jay. “That’d have been weird.”
“No, I couldn’t admit to my stage fright,” he concluded. “Much better off standing facing the urinal with my dick out not pissing before making a satisfied grunt, shaking my bone dry cock while slightly moving my crotch, doing up my buttons and leaving without making eye contact with anyone.”
“That’s way less weird,” he added.
We’ve all been there ~ just flush the john, zip, walk off the dive into a stall đ