A local gym rat has admitted he only lifts weights so that he can look buff and walk around Ibiza topless this summer.
Twenty three year old Tommy ‘guns’ Mahoney from Sheffield, England, who is known for his love of Nandos and house music, claims his dedication to healthy living and the gym is all made worthwhile during the three days a year he spends in Ibiza.
“I train three hundred and sixty two days a year to make sure my body is on point,” said Tommy earlier. “The other three days a year are spent in Ibiza reaping the rewards of my hard work. Out of ten, I’d say I am an eleven, so with a body like mine it’s only right to show it off and Ibiza is the perfect destination – full of young, easy, impressionable girls who love a six pack.”
“I find it harder to pull birds in England because of the shit weather which limits my opportunities to get topless,” Tommy told us. “Although it doesn’t completely stop me from being that cunt that everybody hates, you know, the one who wears no t-shirt even though it’s freezing outside”.
“I got topless in Mint Club, Leeds, last week and had girls all over me, until the bouncers chucked me out. I took my jumper off in my local Library too, but the woman working there told me to get dressed or leave, so I assume she was a lesbian. Then there was the time I took my top off at a Kasabian gig, only to get a beer chucked at my head by aggressive rock music fans.”
We asked Tommy’s best friend Daniel what he thinks of his antics, “Although he preaches about living a healthy lifestyle, he doesn’t actually believe any of that bollocks,” Daniel told us. “It’s all about appearance for him. He goes fishing for body compliments then pretends to act all coy and humble about it, despite completely instigating the conversation towards his chest and abs. On a night out you may see him drinking Vodka and slim line tonic to make it look like he cares about what goes into his body – but what most people don’t realise is he’s in the toilet every two minutes racking up lines of Charlie.”
We caught up with Tommy’s mother, Linda, to find out what she thinks of her son, “Tommy was such a wonderfully affectionate child but, to be honest, he has turned into a right little prick and I cannot wait for him to get his own place,” said Linda. “All he does is prance around the house like a big girl; plucking his eye brows, applying fake tan and constantly flexing his muscles in the mirror. I swear I may as well have had a daughter with the amount of self-grooming he does.”
“I don’t think I am going to take any vests or t-shirts to Ibiza this year,” Tommy told us. “I am just going to hang around Jet Apartments waiting for the right time to flex my guns in front of strangers in the hope they strike up a conversation about how in shape I am.”
