A Halloween storm has hit the UK with infamous DJ Hannah Wants accused of witchcraft and having “ghosts” work relentlessly hard under her command.
Thirty year old Wants, who recently had a spate of bad press following the news that she doesn’t produce any of her own work, despite claiming to, is said to have angered Cornish residents during a set, when she left the booth for forty minutes while her songs continued playing “as if like magic”, forcing locals to pull out the pitchforks and torches in a bid to “burn her alive”.
“She needs to be burnt at the stake,” claimed twenty six year old farmer, Giles Patterson. “We haven’t had a haunting down here in years. We are simple people and like our life as it is, with no interruptions and no problems, so when I saw they were bringing raves down here, I knew it would be more trouble than it’s worth. A thousand people on drugs I can handle, but the paranormal or devil worship I cannot tolerate.”
“She arrived with jet black hair, body markings, and metal things poking out of her face,” continued Giles. “We all agreed not to judge a book by it’s cover, until she left her musical equipment for a very long time and the songs kept playing. It was the work of the devil. Pure evil. When she returned, the audience turned on her and she vanished into thin air, not to be seen again.”
Wunderground spoke with nineteen year old Camilla Jones, who also witnessed the Wants incident, “It was dead spooky. She wasn’t even trying to disguise her witchcraft. She made fifteen songs run seamlessly into one another, as though it was one long song, mesmerizing the entire room. It was crazy, we were all under her spell, until she left the booth and we realised what she was up to. After everybody turned on her, she disappeared, I looked her up on Ask Jeeves and apparently she has been controlling ghosts in London and Birmingham for a very long time, yet nobody has stopped her.”
