Just weeks after passing to the spirit world, the ghost of Playboy boss Hugh Hefner has claimed that heaven is not as good as the Playboy Mansion.
According to the Angel Tupac, who is believed to have taken Hefner under his wing, most people have all of their heart’s desires when they arrive in heaven, however, Hefner’s heart has some ”pretty out there desires” after living the majority of his life in the Playboy Mansion.
“Most mutherfuckers just want to be surrounded by ice cream or titties or some shit when they arrive in heaven,” the Angel Tupac told us earlier. “But not our boy Hef. He’s been surrounded by ice cream and titties for his whole life and, to be honest, the titties we’ve got up here in Heaven aren’t even as good as the titties he was used to in the Playboy Mansion, he’s just totally underwhelmed by the place up here.”
“He’s been asking for things like spaceships, aircraft carriers and to play golf with Osama Bin Laden’s nuts,” continued Tupac. “But heaven just doesn’t have the budget for those kinds thing these days, it’s not the glory years anymore. He’ll just have to make do with normal mortal stuff.”
Hefner, who has been earmarked for Saintdom by thousands of catholic priests, is believed to be homesick and considering returning to the Playboy Mansion in some sort of haunting capacity.
“I’m finding it really hard to settle in up here,” he told Wunderground earlier. “I guess because I lived my life to the full it’s hard for anything else to be better than that. I wouldn’t mind haunting the mansion for a little while but I’m afraid it just wouldn’t be the same down there anymore. I am starting to warm to this place though, I have the best chats with Tupac, Biggie and JC so I guess it’s not all bad.”
According to heavenly sources, since going to post, Mr Hefner has played a full eighteen holes with Bin Laden’s nuts.
