Self proclaimed “full time banter assassin” Ricky Dick has just this morning hatched a master plan that he claims will leave his poor mother “in convulsions of laughter” as he walks out the door to attend Defected’s Ministry of Sound event in the London club later tonight.
Ricky, who has casually informed Wunderground in a face-to-face interview just now that he is “known for dropping the odd joke or three”, will tonight give his mother a hug and a kiss on the cheek before leaving for the night’s merrymaking. However, the awe-inspiring Essex-based comedy genius will, for one night only in 2015, sidestep his usual “see you tomorrow mum” and instead drop the time honoured classic “see you next year mum”, most likely served with a cheeky wink and a slight dig to the ribs with his elbow.
“Any of the three could easily send the oul’dear to the deck to be quite honest, she’s touching on 70 god bless her, so she just can’t take humour, charm and physical force from a man 50 years her junior the way she used to you” informs Ricky.
“Being straight with you, right, I crack this joke every year and throw her a little wink and hit her square in the ribs before walking out the door and every year, without failure, she has been keeled over on the floor, holding her side and rolling about with her eyes closed, tears streaming down her scrunched up face and her waving at me just to go, she thinks that joke is fucking hilarious!”
“Oh I won’t stop there though. Any other joke, I might only tell 15 or 20 times in any given night because you can tell most jokes 365 days a year, you get me? You can spread it out over the year,” assured Ricky, while lightly spit-polishing the “Dapper Laughs” DVD he bought himself for Christmas.
“But this prodigy-like accomplishment in both comedy and thinking outside the box only gets one night on the town a year, so I rinse the fucker.”
“When I’m queuing up, I’ll most likely chat up some little ‘sort’ in the queue with a little ‘I hear this thing goes on for a whole year, yeah luv?’ which will again be a funny joke”
“That geez Sonny Fodera is playing tonight as well, innit? I’ll most likely try and get a word in his ear just after midnight and I’ll ask him what was that track he played last? When he tells me the name, I’ll tell him to play it again cos he hasn’t played it since last year!”
“Then he will most likely upend the DJ booth in convulsions of laughter, sending CDJ’s and champagne soaked women’s knickers flying through the air,” continued the comedy trailblazer. “All his crew will be looking over at us wondering who I am and thinking how great I must be judging by both my demeanor and also by how much Sonny is laughing at what my intellect has sculpted for his amusement.”
“After he has composed himself, he’ll most likely ponder for a while on what I’ve said, and may even start questioning the existence of time itself. This year, last year, who the fuck knows? Once you head down that road, you start looking at yourself and those around you in a completely different light, wondering if you even exist in the physical realm at all?”
“But that’s the power of insightful comedy like this. It can change lives.”
Ricky will be playing empty beer gardens, random unwelcoming groups of people and pool tables around the greater Essex area in 2016, keep your eye on Wunderground for updates.