A Colombian horse, who is in search of a new life, has reportedly contacted a local drug cartel to ask whether or not he can become a drug mule.
The six-year-old horse, known locally as Él Tira, which translates roughly to He Pulls, has given up on his dream of becoming a racehorse and now believes he will be left with a life of backbreaking labour if he does not find a new career path.
“No horse ever grows up wanting to be a mule, let alone a drug mule,” claimed Él Tira during a recent interview the Colombian Equine Times. “But some of us don’t get the same opportunities as the horses who live in the big cities. There comes a point in every horse’s life where they have to look around them and decide if they are on the right track.”
“For me, I think now is the time to make a positive change in my life, I want to have foals and be able to give them the opportunities that I didn’t get,” he continued. “I don’t think I’ll be able to do that as a simple workhorse so I have decided to find out if I am qualified to become a drug mule, it’s not ideal, but it’s a means to an end.”
According to local cartel leader, Jose “El Cuchillo” Cabrero, the cartel are currently weighing up all of the pros and cons of using the horse as a drug mule.
“There are lots of things to take into account when deciding who to use as a drug mule,” El Cuchillo told us. “We want to avoid suspicion as much as possible so a horse will definitely be good for that. They also have extremely big stomachs and anal cavities so we could cram enough coke inside him to fuel an entire Donald Trump Presidential campaign.”
“The only problem with this particular horse is that he doesn’t have a passport,” he added. “Although, I can’t see that getting in the way too much, we have some really good contacts in the airport.”
In related news, a reported sighting of the infamous racehorse Shergar, who was abducted by masked raiders in 1982, has turned out to be false after it was confirmed the “horse like creature” in question was, in fact, David Guetta.
