Farmyard sources have confirmed that a number of horses have started to recreationally use human tranquilisers.
The horses, who are mostly found in northern England, can often be seen rolling around the Yorkshire Moors and swaying gently by the side of the road.
Wunderground spoke to Alan Lloyd, heir to the Lloyds Pharmacy chain earlier today, “The number of horse-related thefts in our pharmacies has increased by almost one thousand percent over the last six months,” he told us. “The equine creatures are becoming more and more brazen, often robbing three or even four pharmacies over the course of a weekend.”
“They’ll just trot in and take all of the tranquilisers they can carry,” continued Lloyd. “People are just so shocked to see a horse in a pharmacy that they don’t even notice them stealing them, it’s only afterward, when we’ve examined the CCTV footage, that we actually realise a robbery has taken place.”
According to TwoFeetOrFour, leader of the rogue horse group, they have become disillusioned with the human population and will continue to take human tranquilisers until humans stop using ketamine.
“We’re sick of all of you pink skins using our ketamine,” he said while flaring his nostrils. “So, we’ve decided to take matters into our own hands, until the the level of ketamine use drops below five percent of the population, we will continue to rob pharmacies and sniff your tranquilisers.”
“We will also be picketing all major equine events in coming months,” continued the horse. “So, unless you want all horse racing and agricultural fairs to be overrun with drugged up mules, we suggest the next time someone offers you a bag of special k, you just say ‘neigh’.”
