A warehouse rave in rural California hosted by Hot Creations descended into chaos this weekend after revellers used up the entire local supply of ketamine resulting in an attack by a stampeding herd of wild eyed, ketamine addicted local horses.
The drug, whose actual purpose is to tranquilize horses and other large animals like rhinos, dinosaurs and Lee Foss, was nearly unobtainable for farm hands in the weeks leading up to the gig due to the amount of locals who insisted on being “ketted out of it to the those druggy Hot Creations beats”.
Unfortunately, a large wildfire in a dry area startled the already strung out horses and caused them to escape from their fenced off pasture – with local farmers claiming the horses chewed through the wooden fence “like a man through a sandwich or a horse through a wooden fence”.
In spite of the draining of local ketamine stocks, reports from inside the party claim that the demand for K was still massive, with dealers resorting to immoral measures in order to obtain the substance.
Witnesses have claimed that some people were forced to perform sex acts on each other to obtain the drug but due to the floppy nature of the ketamine dosed cocks the blow- and handjobs lasted up to two hours resulting in “sore wrists, lockjaw and friction burns”.
“It was a mad, terrifying sight,” claimed one shook up witness. “Sort of like Magaluf but with ketamine replacing booze and gratuitous public sex acts remaining gratuitous public sex acts. It was like the last days of Rome but with more horse tranquilizers, closed eyed swaying and Jamie Jones.”
“As if that wasn’t bad enough,” cried the witness, clearly bereft of all hope following the harrowing events, “soon, as if from the gates of hell, the horses came.”
“Not in the sexual sense,” he quickly added, “they came through the warehouse doors. On their legs.”
Medical reports claim that the herd rampaged through the double doors of the warehouse, tossing aside bouncers in their teeth like empty crisp packets and began biting and stamping on clubbers.
“At first I thought I was seeing things,” claimed one witness. “Then, when they were stamping on people and thrashing their heads about I thought, yeah – they’ve got some killer moves, and I started doing their dance, mindlessly stamping and biting people. After about a minute and several broken toes I snapped out of the ket buzz and realised that I was frothing at the mouth biting people so I stopped and ran home.”
Eventually police and ambulances arrived and managed to round up the animals, who were seen aggressively snorting all the collected ketamine in a corner near the stage in the company of Lee Foss, and treat the many victims including Jamie Jones himself who suffered a severe bite to the hair from which he still hasn’t recovered.
