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July 30, 2013
2 mins read

How To…Spot A Douchebag At A Party

Parties are a great way of hanging out with friends, meeting new people and just generally having fun but I think it’s fair to say we’ve all witnessed the atmosphere change at a party because of one person coming in and being a total asshole. These people can suck the fun out of a room quicker than an open window can suck the oxygen out of a jumbo jet at forty thousand feet. It’s very important to be able to spot these people and eject them as quickly as possible so here’s our How To….Spot A Douchebag At A Party.

Music is such an important part of any party, it can literally make or break it. We all want to share the stuff we think is good with our friends and other like minded people. Usually with a little patience and the power of the internet everyone gets a chance to put something on at some stage of the night but there’s always one cunt who will come in and give a big fuck you to everyone in the room by changing the music in the middle of something good. Watch how quickly the room empties when some cretin comes in and changes a mix, which people are dancing to, for his favourite Slayer track.

As we all know alcohol is also a vital element of a party and drinking other people’s drink or taking anything that isn’t yours is a quickfire way to be a party wrecker. Once the clock strikes ten you’ll have to make do with what  you have and depending on the day of the week you could be waiting over fourteen hours for the next chance to buy more alcohol. The last thing you want is for some jerk off to come in empty handed half way through the night and fuck with your carefully laid out plan for keeping your palette wet till the morning, by helping himself to the cans you have been rationing for the last five hours.

A good mix of people with a good ratio of men to women is a very important factor to a good party. This allows people to get their flirt on while enjoying the party. This can be totally ruined by a sleazy wanker going around creeping on every woman in the house. See how quickly the good vibrations turn sour as his glaring stares and rapey gestures freak out all the females in the room.

Most good parties will involve people taking some sort of substances to enhance their buzz while their getting on it. The last thing you want is for somebody’s little sister coming along and thinking she has to take something to fit in. Only to go into a state of panic, freaking out, thinking her heart is going to explode and asking someone to call her an ambulance, she’ll most likely realise she was overreacting and ask, ‘Is it possible to cancel an ambulance?’ Just as two concerned paramedics rush through the front door with all the once happy party goers going in the opposite direction.

Graham

Graham

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