It has been reported that Ibiza’s San Antonio council is to ban all tourists from using sun cream this summer, amidst fears they will replace the cream in the bottle with alcohol and rub it directly into their skin in an attempt to get blind drunk.
Following last week’s announcement regarding the ban on all street-drinking, including bottled water, the authorities have gone one step further in ensuring the streets of Ibiza remain “alcohol free” and “safe from irresponsible drunken morons” by banning suncream.
“You simply cannot trust the fucking idiots who come to Ibiza,” announced council spokesperson Francesco Garcia. “Each year they pollute our island and their behaviour gets worse, acting like animals; fighting and chucking their guts up so we have decided to put some strict laws in place. If we catch anybody using sun cream, we will assume there is alcohol in it and they will be slapped with a six hundred euros on the spot fine.”
Despite warnings from medical experts that holiday makers will require both water and sunblock in the blistering Balearic heat to avoid serious medical conditions, it seems the council is to stand firm over these bans, claiming “the death toll will be irrelevant as long as the streets remain drunken dickhead-free at all times”.
“They have been taking advantage of our good nature for far too long and it is now time to stop,” continued Francesco. “There will be armed police patrolling the beaches and ensuring nobody is rubbing alcohol into their skin. If these Neanderthals want to get uncontrollably piss-their-pants-in-public messy, then they should take their vacation in Magaluf where they cater for those types of alcoholics all year long.”
