It has been confirmed that twenty four year old Luke Brown, from Kent, England, has nowhere near as much money in his bank account as he’d like people to believe he has.
Despite still living with his parents, Luke is famous for constantly uploading photos to his Instagram account in a bid to impress people.
His regular uploads include his three thousand pounds Rolex watch, which was a hand-me-down from his grandmother, as well as his sixty five plate Audi TT, which was purchased on finance. Although he believes his behaviour impresses people, it hasn’t done anything other than earn him a reputation amongst his circle of friends as “a fucking wally” and “an embarrassing cunt”.
“Success in life is measured on possessions, and I have a Rolex and Audi so I am doing just fine,” announced Luke to a group of unimpressed friends recently. “Every so often I upload a photo of me holding a Costa Coffee, with a Rolex on my wrist, hovering over my Audi steering wheel, and my Insta followers absolutely lap it up. During that moment when twenty or so likes roll in, I feel like I’ve made it in life.”
Wunderground managed to speak with Luke’s friend, twenty eight year old Carl Weathers, about his behaviour, “I don’t understand what his problem is,” claimed Carl. “If it isn’t a bloody photo of him holding a bottle of Grey Goose in the VIP section of some shit local night spot, it’s a photo of his watch or car. Who gives a fuck?”
“I swear he thinks birds will see it and be like ‘oh wow, look how cool and rich Luke is, I must suck his dick this instant’. I try telling him he looks like a clown but it goes in one ear and out the other,” continued Carl. “He thinks he’s Dan Bilzerian, except he has no muscles, no money, no attention from females, never shoots guns and has an incredibly shit beard. If Bilzerian is a twenty one day matured, 40 oz fillet steak, that makes Luke an Iceland Turkey Twizzler.”