Some of Ibiza’s top clubs have begun to introduce a dress code for male partiers that will now make it mandatory for clubbers to wear wife beaters when inside the clubs – where before it was just the outfit of choice for 100% of Ibiza “bros”.
“It’s already a popular look and a good one – particularly for showing off any tattoos or tans,” claimed a spokesperson who was draped in one of those plunging wife beaters that basically look like they’ve been pulled and torn by an aggressive spouse or actual wife beater. “We’re just enshrining it in Ibiza fashion that you have to wear them to gain access to the clubs.”
It is hoped that the introduction of the dress code – which also includes a peaked cap, fitted jean shorts and white trainers – will finally eliminate any degree of autonomy and individualism on the island.
“C’mon this isn’t real life where people can wear whatever shit looking uncool garments they want – this is Ibiza,” he continued. “We want men to look like they’ve just come from the gym, or beating their wives – so that any promo vids that we make to snare affluent tourists will feature men that fit into an easy, gym-fashion dictated idea of cool.”
If punters aren’t wearing wife beaters when entering the premises then they have the option of buying or renting one of the many that have been taken off and thrown then subsequently lost on the premises throughout the course of the season.
“Typically we find about 6 or 7 a night,” he continued. “Sometimes even the flimsy wife beater isn’t revealing enough when you want to show off the four months work that you’ve been doing on your pecs.”
“Only block colour wife beaters are allowed in slate grey, pitch black or white white,” continued the source. “Any logos or images will be frowned upon as too expressive.”
Most males were unperturbed by the dress code claiming they “wear them all the time anyway” while a small margin were disappointed with the decree claiming that it promoted a perfected male body image that was “unhealthy and offensive – both to people who have body image issues and to spousal abuse sufferers”.
“This should be Ibiza, where anything happens, not an advertisement for a gym membership featuring brawny dickbags in marginal clothing,” concluded one disappointed holidaymaker whose hairy, pudgy torso deters him from wearing a wife beater. “I want to party with people of all shapes – not a dance floor consisting entirely of bros who workout to make up for a lack of personality and who all look like, and probably think they are, extras from some kind of ‘urban’ re-imagining of the bro-porn movie, 300 – except with less heroic sacrifice and more sambuca and banging chicks.”
