Ricardo Urgell, founder of the legendary Pacha group, has announced that he intends to sell the nightclub that he founded back in the 60’s, as “Ibiza has become much too expensive and he can no longer stomach it”, he moaned before asking for half a billion euros.
“Yes, it makes me sick to the very pit of my stomach” protested Ricardo when speaking to Wunderground this morning from his solid gold throne carved by hand using caviar plated chisels. “Ibiza has become a complete rip-off and I just can’t bear the sight of it any longer.”
“Pacha has always been about value, and keeping prices low! Everybody says this.”
“Our bottles of water may be quite small, but they are keenly priced at only €12, and for an extra €10 we’ll even let you keep the lid. Ushuaia charge much more than that! I assume. I’m usually too busy in the basement counting money and drinking champagne to leave the building.”
“Also, Ushuaia tickets are a complete ripoff compared to Pacha. We offer excellent value on the door. Even the poorest of millionaires can afford to come every week. Look at our David Guetta tickets, you can come to see David play for nearly an hour for only €80 which represents amazing value for money. And if you come at the height of the season, he’ll even turn up to do the set in person. Even when he is not there in person, he is there in spirit, and €80 to see David Guetta play in spirit is still a good deal.”
“We even have customers who say they would pay for him to go away, never mind show up. So he offers immense value for money in all scenarios.”
“If somebody pays the full half a billion euros, we will even leave the bottled water in the fridges so they will make their money back on the first night.”
