An Ibiza sex worker is reportedly planning a “massive opening party” for her legs later this week.
Not to be outdone by superclubs, the Moroccan-born sex worker has claimed her opening party will be the most memorable of the season.
“It’s Ibiza, you have to have an opening party,” claimed Smokey, which we suspect was not her real name. “I’m a business trying to earn money, no different to any of these bars or clubs around here, and if I’m going to compete with them then I’ll need to throw a big opening party just like they do.”
“I’m going to go all out as I really feel that, with a bit of effort, this will be a big year for me,” continued Smokey. “I’ll have a number of DJs playing on the night, some free drinks and, hopefully, we might even get a couple of celebrities popping in to say hello.”
Sources close to the sex worker have confirmed that Cuckoo Land resident Jamie Roy is set to headline the opening party. Wunderground spoke to him earlier, “It’s an honor to be asked to play at any opening party so I’m totally buzzing to be on the lineup.”
“Smokey’s a lovely little lassy too, she’s dead friendly and a bit of a worldie, I definitely would, actually, the more I think about it, maybe I already did. Any gear mate?”
According to reports, the VIP guestlist for Smokey’s opening party includes; Wayne Rooney, Hugh Grant, Tiger Woods and President Donald Trump.