News emerging from the Balearic Islands today has confirm that Ibiza’s drug problem is now also it’s biggest tourist attraction.
According to reports, the fun loving, Utopia seeking, free spirits that once frequented the island have now been almost completely replaced by “hoover nosed” drug tourists.
“This place definitely isn’t what it used to be,” claimed George Downey, an expat now in his twenty third year on the island. “We used to get lots of hippies and the likes arriving, looking for inner peace in one of the island’s many idyllic beach bars and picturesque locations, but it’s hard to find enlightenment when it comes with a €50 cover charge and most of those tourists have now fucked off to the Adriatic.”
“Now, we’ve seen a massive increase in the number of drug tourists coming to the island,” continued Mr Downey. “It’s fucking brilliant too, those hippies weren’t half scabby bastards but these young druggies have money to burn and there always far too mashed to worry about what they’re spending it on. Things have never been so good.”
Local government in San Antonio have called an emergency council meeting aimed at looking at ways to exploit the rise in drug culture.
“It’s not fair that all of the clubs and bars are the only places to really profit from the island’s drug epidemic,” claimed one concerned citizen. “We’ve put up with tourists coming here and making our economy flourish for long enough, it’s about time the average man in the street, like me, starts making some money from drugs too.”
“I have to rent my house for twelve times it’s value for the entire summer just so I can live in luxury all year, it’s just not right,” continued the angry San Antonio resident. “Give us our share of the drug money and we’ll only have to inflate the rent prices to ten times their normal value. That way everyone wins.”
An official announcement on the council’s drug strategy is expected in the next forty eight hours, with an official tax on drug dealers the course of action most likely to be followed.