An idiot from northern England has made the humdrum claim to have a PhD in banter from the University of Life.
Brian Nichols, a twenty seven year old green grocer’s assistant from Doncaster, is believed to have made the claim after an extended “banter session with the lads” in his local pub on Saturday afternoon.
“Brian’s a top lad,” claimed best friend and fellow banter expert Ray Churchill. “He really gets how banter works, d’you know what I mean? Like when he sees a disabled person or hears about someone with a mental illness he’ll always make a really funny joke about it, he never lets an opportunity for a bit of quality banter slip by.”
“He’s a real lad’s lad too,” continued Mr Churchill. “So if he sees a good looking girl in a nightclub or on the street he’ll either whistle at her, make a really loud comment about her body or slap her on the bum. Girls love all that kind of stuff, don’t they? With that kind of material in his arsenal it’s easy to see why he claims to have a PhD in banter, if anyone deserves one it’s him.”
According to education experts, claiming to have studied at the “University of Life” is something that dumb people with no aspirations to better themselves say.
“The whole ‘University of Life’ claim is something that people in the bottom five percent on the intelligence spectrum regularly say,” claimed sociology professor Margaret Bent. “Obviously we don’t link intelligence to a third level education, because a lot of people who have them are idiots and a lot of people who don’t are very clever, but by claiming to have studied at the University of Life, people are admitting that they see no advantages to education and show no sign of wanting to better themselves, which, in most cases, proves they’re an idiot.”
Wunderground also asked Mr Nichols for a comment, “I’m the king of banter around these parts. London has Dapper Laughs, Doncaster has Brian Nichols. I should probably set up my own Facebook page and let everyone hear my racist, sexist and all round edgy jokes. I’m the greatest thing to happen to banter since Roy “Chubby” Brown.”
