Man Needs Degree In Thermodynamics To Use Modular Synth


A techno producer has been left frustrated by a newly purchased modular synth, claiming that he would need a degree in thermodynamics to be able to use it.

Mark Kite, an Irish techno producer who uses the name Kite Rider, said the synth was “vitually impossible to use” and insisted that “practically no one” would be able to figure out it’s complex system.

Wunderground spoke to Mr Kite earlier, “First things first, I just want to get it out there that I don’t use instructions. I’m not into having other people tell me how to do things and firmly believe that if I can’t figure something out for myself, then I probably shouldn’t be doing it. Take this table for example, I bought it in Ikea and put it together completely on my own. Sure it’s a different shape than it’s supposed to be, I had eleven screws left over and it’s collapsed three times but at least I built it myself and didn’t conform to the wishes of some Swedish dick head.”

“I feel exactly the same way about this synth I’m after buying, I’ve bought lots of pieces of hardware for my studio and, up until now, I’ve always been able to figure them out for myself,” continued Mr Kite. “But this thing is completely different, even just looking at it makes me feel like I’m after sniffing half a gram of ketamine while trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube. It’s probably the first time in my life that I’ve regretted ritualistically burning an instruction manual moments after opening a box, but what’s done is done, I’m not returning it so I’ll either get my head around it or it’ll sit collecting dust for the next fifteen years.”

“The thing has more cables going in and out of it then a motor bike crash victim in the intensive care unit,” explained the techno producer. “I didn’t know I was gonna need a degree in thermodynamics just to work the thing. It’s ridiculous, I would have just bought something a little easier to use like a TB-303 or an Ableton plugin if I’d known it was going to this much hassle, I really can’t see myself getting much use out of it.”

According to experts, three out of every four producers who buy modular synths have “absolutely no idea how to use them”, with most synths used in live performances only there “to make the artist look cooler and a bit edgy”.

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Man Needs Degree In Thermodynamics To Use Modular Synth

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