“I’m Going To Own The Dance Floor” Claims Man Buying Dancefloor

During an intense pre-gaming session in his house before hitting the club, 24-year-old Chris Wicke, made the claim that he was going to “own the dance floor” – causing suspicion that he is planning to buy a dance floor.

Chris is believed to have made the statement just as a he took a bump of coke while his favourite track was kicking in, turning to friends and pumping his fists, while making the audacious claim.

“I don’t know where he’s getting the money, he’s on the dole,” remarked friend and customer Pete. “He definitely makes a few extra quid from selling coke but I would have thought most of that was pissed up against a wall, put up his nose or spent on brassers when he inevitably doesn’t pull a bird, he’s no oil painting, if you know what I mean.”

“I’m not sure how much dance floors even cost, or if you can buy them without buying the whole club,” continued Pete while surveying the available floor space. “I suppose you could just get a few packs of laminate wood floor and throw a few lights and lasers in you’re sitting room and you wouldn’t be a million miles off.”

“I asked him how he was going to buy it and he just looked at me with a glassy eyed expression and said ‘with my moves man, how else?’,” he added with a look of bewilderment. “This is the first I’m hearing that you can own dance floors with your moves, I’m going to go home and practice, although I already know how to fist pump and do air piano so I’m a bit perplexed as to how I don’t already own a few dance floors.”

According to witnesses, Mr. Wicke’s chances of owning the dance floor were dashed when an over exuberant attempt at a the snake ended with a trip to his local hospital’s A&E department.