An emotional top knot has called for an end to the relentless abuse he and his kind receives, claiming that he’s just a hairstyle and deserves to be treated the same as any other.
Peter Knott, the appropriately named top knot, claims that he has endured a level of abuse similar to that a policeman, politician or shuffler suffers, since his host decided on the top knot look.
“I can’t help it if my man decided to wear me as a top knot,” explained Knott earlier. “I used to be step, then I was an undercut, then I was a quiff and now I’m a top knot, that’s how hairstyles work. I don’t deserve to to be ridiculed because of it, but I have been and it needs to stop now, there are millions of top knots in the same position as me and it’s unfair that we’re all exposed to this treatment.”
“Sure, we might look incredibly stupid, especially when backed up by pubey beards, curled moustaches and ridiculously tight jeans, which so many of our hosts choose to do,” continued Knott. “But it’s not our fault, we literally have no control over what our hosts choose to do. It would be much better if people started aiming their anger at them and not us.”
“For at least fifty percent of the day I’m just a normal looking hairdo, I could easily be a slick back or side parting,” claimed the teary eyed top knot. “It’s only when this gormless bastard decides to put an elastic band around my neck, practically choking me, and turn me into a poxy hipster accessory that I become so unbearable.”
“If I was a bloke identifying as a woman people would say I was brave but I’m a load of hair identifying as a top knot and I’m getting crucified for it,” he continued while fighting back tears. “There’s just no justice in the world.”
Reports suggest that one in every four top knots could be driven to suicide, or baldness as it’s more commonly known in the human world, if the level of hatred for top knots in not significantly reduced.
