A man who recently deleted his Facebook profile has claimed that Instagram is a far better tool for online creeping.
Michael Windsor, a self proclaimed “wank-aholic”, admitted that Facebook’s privacy settings have been making it harder for him to creep on random people, while Instagram offers free reign over millions of people’s personal photographs.
“Facebook used to be the shit back in its early days,” said Mr Windsor. “I started my profile way back in 2005, I’ve always been a keen creep so when I heard about a social media platform specifically for students I was all over it, it was so much better than Bebo and my wank-life really improved, I was knocking six, seven or even eight out a day. They were good times.”
“They should have just left it exactly how it was,” continued Mr Windsor, who was barred from all Primark stores after been caught in a compromising position with a manikin in 1998, “but they just kept changing things. Now, thanks to the privacy setting, I’m lucky if I can even see a profile picture. There’s no good creeping or wanking to be done with a profiler, you need to be able to get into the holiday snaps to really make the magic happen.”
“Things got really bad a couple of months ago,” explained the wanker. “Facebook just wasn’t working for me, I hadn’t had a decent wank in ages and I was walking around like a loaded gun waiting to explode. That’s when I discovered Instagram. It’s amazing, a proper creeps dream. You can follow anyone so you don’t have to have a friend request accepted and once you do you have full access to all of their pics. I haven’t seen so many hot bums, since I went to the Miss Homeless California beauty pageant in 2010.”
“I quit Facebook the very next day and haven’t looked back since, Instagram is definitely the way to go for any fellow creeps out there.”
According to the latest statistics, approximately 25% of global wanks are now Instagram related, while Facebook related wanks have dropped to just 8%.