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Jeff Mills Gives Lecture On The History Of Techno Longer Than The History Of Techno

Fans of techno and sucking the fun out of things by excessively over analysing them were both equally thrilled earlier today when human dot-matrix printout Jeff Mills broke a world record by delivering a lecture on the history of techno longer than the actual history of the genre itself.

Officials announced Jeff had successfully clinched the title when he concluded his lecture a mere three and a half decades after starting it.

We caught up with Peter Bollard, bookmaker and Guinness World record adjudicator, for the inside track on how Jeff managed to claim the record, “Well it was a shaky start from Jeff to be honest, when he got through the history of the Technics turntable in under six months we thought he might have overshot it,” explained Bollard.

“But then he somehow managed to take the best part of a decade to dissect the tempo knob on a TR-808 which was nothing if not masterful”

“If you’re into talking about that sort of shit instead of actually using it I suppose it was probably alright,” confirmed Caitlin McClough, a member of the audience at the lecture, whilst chiseling sedimentary layers of sleep, thicker than one of Jamie Jones’ bumps of ket, from her eyes.

With only one of the three audience members found dead at the end of the marathon lecture being declared deceased via any method other than natural causes, Jeff Mills’ management have declared the talk a success and said both they and Jeff are excited to get back on the road with more projects involving music that are in no way fun or immersive.

Jeff’s management contacted Wunderground to inform us that, “Jeff now plans to follow up the lecture with a series of long-form talks based around standing next to ravers pinging their faces off on dance floors around the world and explaining to them at length that the DJ they are trying to enjoy was much better when he saw them at Dekmantel.”

Tickets for the new tour go on sale next month at The Natural History Museum and selected snobby record shops in East London and Berlin.

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